< You get what you pay for >

I know I'm Supposed To Choose The Right...But I'm Left-Handed

2011-12-08T11:59:00.000-08:00

You guys reap the benefits of my procrastination...so if I do bad on finals...I blame you. Okay just kidding...but seriously. Okay I'm really kidding.

Sometimes I wish I didn't use my left hand for some things and my right hand for other things...it just leads to a whole dilemma of confusion. I mean I do most everything with my left hand for everything, but I'll throw my right-hand in there every now and again to keep life spicy...you know...cause that's what I'm about...making life spicy. Anyway...my dilemma...I only use my right hand for random activities...like brushing my teeth, cut scissors, throw a ball...so random. Do you see why I'm confused? Because I suffer from Random Right-Handed Activity Syndrom (RRHAS)...I still, to this day, do not know which hand I butter toast with. I try it with both hands and it feels weird with both hands. Wait...I didn't think of this until now, but maybe I was destined to never butter toast...judging by past experience (you know...the different toast incident in my last blog) and my dilemma (not even knowing what hand I butter it with). It all makes sense! Well...that kinda stinks...now what? Do I just never eat toast again? Do I find someone else to do it for me? Hmmm...I'm beyond myself right now.

Well...I really do have to write a paper, get back to studying and take a vacation from my problems haha. Hope you all have a a most splendid day...not to be confused with Splenda day...cause that's definately a sweetener, I dunno if it sweetens the day up...don't think it works that way. PEACE OUT HOMIES!

Alarm Clocks and Cold Toast

2011-11-03T10:32:00.000-07:00

So early this morning, don't really know what time it was exactly because I was in slumber, I was rudely awakened by my roommate. Well...I guess she wasn't too rude about it, but still...I was awakened. Apparently my alarm on my iHome was going off, and she couldn't figure out how to turn it off. You know how when you first wake up, you're all confused and have absolutely no idea how process what's happening around you? Yeah...that's how I felt. Thought process: First, I was trying to figure out why my roommate woke me up and was standing over my bed. Second, I was trying to piece together what she was saying to me because every other word seemed to be in a different language. Last, what in the world is that faint, yet obnoxious, beeping?! After those thoughts finally came together, slammed my hand on the alarm and managed to hit the snooze button to stop that annoying sound, then I picked up the iHome and threw it against the wall so that it may never disturb me again!...Kay, I may have exaggerated a little...but I did pick it up and turn the alarm completely off. As my roommate was getting back into her bed, she said something...I don't remember what but I remember responding with, "I was just seeing if I could still annoy while I was sleeping." Her reply was, "Hahaha well...it worked."
Later in the morning, when I was actually awake, I went to make some toast with peanut butter. I put the bread in the toaster and I waited for my toast to pop out, unlike normal when I usually pop the toast out too soon, due to impatience. I took out a knife and the PB...only to find that I had just barely enough PB for ONE piece of toast. Do see the problem with this? I only had enough for one...but I had TWO pieces of toast. Now what? I mean...I have this other piece, and I don't even know what to do. This was the first of my predicaments, what to put on the other piece. I decided that I would just put plain ol butter on the..ehem...other piece. I like buttered toast, so I guess it wasn't too much of a heartbreak. So, I sat down to feast on my two pieces...of different toast. This brings us to my next predicament...which one do I eat first? I probably stared at them for a could five minutes, trying to figure out which one should I eat first? Cause if I ate the PB one first, then I'd get to taste what I wanted first...if I ate the PB one last, then I'd end on a good note. It was just extremely hard. I finally decided that I would eat the PB toast last. By this time...my toast was cold -__- just my luck. So my whole breakfast experience was just not the same, I didn't enjoy the fact that I only had one PB toast, when I clearly wanted two. I didn't enjoy the process of trying to figure out which toast first? And most of all...I DID NOT enjoy cold toast. Needless to say, it's been an eventful morning. I'm not complaining though, at least my roommate didn't wake me up as she was murdering me...and at least I had options to spread on my toast.
Well...that's really all I got today. Sorry it was so short. I hope everyone has a fantastic day...or at least a normal...I don't want anyone to have a bad day. If you do have a bad day...just think, "at least I didn't have cold toast."

Trumpification of Switzerland...maybe.

2011-03-03T12:47:00.000-08:00

Hola muchachos rancheros!! It is I...bucket-o-chum...but really its just Kelly, wouldn't want you to get confused. So I was at the gym yesterday...and I was thinking about something that comes to mind EVERY TIME I go to the gym, why do a lot of guys wear hats while they workout? Like baseball caps...not beanies. Beanies are more understandable considering you sweat more, burn more calories, blah blah blah. But baseball caps? It just doesn't seem to make sense to me. Oh yeah...and they tend to wear them backwards...what? Am I missing something here? Can you magically lift more weight if you just turn your hat around? Is there a level of coolness that gets up 6 points when you wear a hat and 10 points if you wear it backwards?

VENTING SECTION: The section in which...I vent.

So I was thinking today...you know...the usual mind boggling thoughts that I tend to think of...but I was thinking about the government. It's pretty friggin' ridiculous. Why don't we have more businessmen in there? Doesn't it just seem logical to put someone in there that knows how to handle money and how to deal with different corporations/countries? I mean the most successful businessmen are the ones that think about dealing with problems in a logical manner, no emotional connection to it whatsoever. I feel as though a lot of the people in the government today have too much ego and emotion attached to their decisions. I was watching Regis and Kelly when they were interviewing Donald Trump that I had this thought...what about Donald Trump?! Why don't we put him in there? He'd be great and he'd get things done in a logical way rather than a a political way. I mean...the guy was broke and then came back...in this economy. I nominate Donald Trump for VP. Just a thought.

RANDOM FACT SECTION:

"It was once against the law to slam your car door in a city in Switzerland." Oookayyy. So what exactly constitutes a "slam?" Like a "break every window in your car slam" or like "my car is old, so I have to close it hard slam?" I wonder how they taught that in the police academy...do you think they tested them on different slam noises that they pre-recorded? Police Chief: "Now which one of the three noises you're about to hear is considered a "slam?"" Haha...whaaat? Ridiculous. It's laws like these that make me wonder if city officials get sick of reading complaints from old grumps and just make a law to make the grumps happy.

Well, that's all I've got for you today...well I do have a lot more goin on in this noggin of mine, but their more like one-sentence deals. Which might be interesting to some, maybe I'll save that for later posts. Well I gotta find my little lip balm for mah crusty crusts, peace and blessins y'all, peace. and. blessins.

Homemade Chow Mein and Toasted Jelly Squishers

2011-01-18T09:11:00.000-08:00

So I had a dream last night...soooo here it is: My friend Sam sent me this picture text of these noodles and then was like "Look! I made chow mein!" Hahahaha how random is that?! The best part was that the noodles were purple...haha and in my head I was thinking "I don't chow mein is supposed to look like that." Hahaha so funny. I woke up and was like...what? Then naturally texted her and told of this outrageous dream.

VENTING SECTION: the section in which...I vent.
I find that I have a lot of patience...except for when it comes to toast. I mean of all things to not be patient with...that's the one. My compy can get a virus that erases EVERYTHING...and I still don't get as frustrated with it as I do when it takes FOREVER for my bread to toast. I mean, how long does it really take bread to toast anyway? In my eyes it should only take like 5 seconds...honestly. Can't it be just like branding a cow? Just smack some molten hot metal on it for a couple seconds and badabing badaboom...TOAST! I think I'm onto something here...

RANDOM FACT SECTION:
"The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing their hands in jelly." Wow. How ould you like to have that job? Haha "Did you know I worked on the E.T. movie?" "Oh really? What did you do?" "I squished my hand in jelly." Yeahhh that's believable. Haha great now everyone thinks you're crazy for making things up haha. Do you think they used a particular jelly? I'm sure that the different fruits makes a different "squish." It only makes sense. I bet they used plum jelly...that seems like it would make the best squish. If you think about it...stepping on a strawberry doesn't have as good of a squish noise as if you stepped on a plum.

Well, there you have it. A day in the mind of Kelly, just one endless train of thoughts. Like my mom always told me, "don't talk to anyone stranger than you."

Kisses and World Domination

2011-01-16T11:42:00.000-08:00

Thought: Who votes that we just get rid of Nevada? Who lives there anyway? Honestly the only thing it has going for it is Las Vegas...and maybe Tahoe...but only half. So here's the plan...we evacuate first and foremost haha, then we make an atomic bomb the destroys all of Nevada, then somehow invent something that can just pull/push the continent together and fill in the hole...that we made...with the atomic bomb, you know where Nevada WAS. I dunno about you...but it sounds like a brilliant plan. You know, sometimes I feel like Pinky...and other times I feel like Brain. In this case, I feel like Brain...I'm slowly taking over the world...one blog at a time.

VENTING SECTION: The section in which...I vent.
I said it once...and I'll say it again...I don't understand people. Does anyone really? I mean, I can't even understand myself...let alone billions upon billions of people around me! Okay okay, so as you all know...I work at good ol' Hot Dog on a Stick, it's a quaint little establishment that can get some pretty funny...yet crazy customers. I love the people who come up to me with all their problems in life and tell me how over-priced our food/lemonade is...as if I have a say in the matter or as if I made them come over and buy our food. You know me...my brain powers and all...just controlling EVERYONE and telling them that they HAVE to eat Hot Dog on a Stick...for they might turn into oblivion. Back to the first "as-if" I'm sure that the prices would be a lot lower if "we" (min. wage workers) had a say cause quite frankly, we're the ones who have to hear about. But here's the part I don't understand...no one is EVER satisfied. Even if we lowered the prices of such a delectable treat on a stick...they would still complain to me about the prices. So it's a lose, lose situation...well that sucks.

RANDOM FACT SECTION: Do I really need to say it...or can you figure it out?
"Approximately 2/3 of the population tip their head to the right when they kiss." I'm sorry...I had to. Just think of how awkward it would be if you tip your head to the right...and you find that perfect someone buuuuut they tilt to the left. Can you imagine the first kiss?! Bahahaha. In that case who would change their natural motion to the opposite side? In my opinion (of course it's my opinion...it's MY blog), chivalry is not dead! Therefore the man should be a man and change :) Hahaha

Well my friends...this is where we part. I bid thee adieu and please don't bite your friends...for all you know, they could be your only. PEACE!!!

Disney Soundtracks and Cat Paws

2010-10-19T09:17:00.000-07:00

Well once again, I have failed to keep this blog updated. Good thing you don't pay for this otherwise I'd feel really bad...but since it's free..........I don't feel THAT bad. Anyway...have you ever wondered about what music those people walking around with iPods are listening to? I mean, I may come off judgmental when I say that for some people I can't imagine them listening to anything but Disney Soundtracks. Do you ever think that? Or am I just a music judging monster? Eh. Well my secrets out.

VENTING SECTION: The section, in which...I vent.

Alright so I've decided how much I have grown to HATE political commercials. I mean honestly...

no one is honest anymore so there's no point in advertising it. Plus I don't wanna hear about how I

shouldn't trust a candidate, I wanna know why I should vote for the person who "supports this message."

RANDOM FACT SECTION: Yes...a random fact.

"Female cats tend to be right-pawed and male cats tend to be left-pawed." Okay....for real? Who

comes up with these shenanigans?! For one...cats have four legs...so what left or right paw are they

talkin about? Two...why on earth would a cat need to know that? I mean it's not like you take them to

kindergarten and handing it a #2 pencil. Which now confuses me with the whole left-brain, right-brain

concept. Does it still apply that most left handed cats are the creative ones? How are we to know?!

This is preposterous...who do I talk to about these questions?

Well I hate to say it, but that's I've got for you today. Just remember that penguins are the only

animal you need to worry about! Adios!

Beer Bellys and Sesame Seeds

2010-04-09T20:21:00.000-07:00

Alright...it's been a while since I last blogged. I'm sorry to my sisters...cause really they're the only ones who read it haha. Anyway, today I had an epiphany while I was playing the board game LIFE with a couple friends. I was thinking...dang...I wish my life was like this game...that would be awesome! I mean I started out $100,000 in debt and ended the game with $875,000...that's pretty dang cool. I had four kids, girl, boy, and twins (boy and girl), and I had a husband...I imagine that he was a pretty awesome guy. I was a police officer, so I got paid an extra $10,000 everytime someone was speeding. And all I had to do was spin the wheel and move at the pace the spinner wanted me to. The board told me what to do! Man...that was livin the life. I've decided, forget college...I'm gonna inherit money. That's the only way to do it.

THE VENTING SECTION:

Something I don't understand is drinking...like alcohol and partying like every weekend. To me it just seems like it has more cons than pros. Let's list them;

Pros:

1. You feel invisible

2. You're extremely funny to those around you

3. You forget all about your current problems

Cons:

1. You are destroying your liver

2. You can't even remember how awesome or funny the night before was

3. You wake up with THE worst state ever(depending on how much you drank)

4. You are now spending a bunch of money on something that could've been avoided

5. You get a beer belly

I dunno...seems to me like a pretty dumb decision. I mean, I don't know about you, buuuuut...I like remembering what I did and I am perfectly capable of doing stupid things without the assistance of a beer. But of course, that's just my opinion. And I have many reasons to hate alcohol....so I'm a little biased.

RANDOM FACT SECTION: The section, in which, I give you a random fact.

"On average, there are 178 sesame seeds on each McDonalds BigMac bun." Okay, the first thing about this that I want to say is...who, in their right mind, would sit and count the sesame seeds on a bun. The second thing I'd like to say is...the phrase "on average" indicates that the number has been compared to multiple numbers, so who would count the sesame seeds on more than just one bun? Just leave it at one bun people. It's not necessary for anyone to know, really. Unless of course, that number is supposed to help us survive somehow. Wow. The things that we feel the need to count.

Well, sorry if it was a bit of a disappointment today but then again...I didn't make you read it, so it's your own fault.

Haters and Bulletproof Vests

2010-02-24T13:42:00.000-08:00

So today has been productive; I did my laundry, cleaned/vacuumed my room, cleaned the kitchen and washed my sheets...not to mention harvested some grapes and upgraded my farm. I'd say it's been pretty productive.

VENTING SECTION: The section...in which I vent.

The worst feeling in the world is going on Facebook and seeing all your friends in California with status' such as: "80 degrees, goin to the beach." or "60 degrees and I'm freezing." Then you take a look out your window and see nothing but snow. Don't tell me that people, I don't want want to know the beauty of California when I'm stuck...well...out of California. That's when you start to hate the world for a matter of minutes...if not the rest of the day. Don't get me wrong, I love snow...but only when I'm snowboarding. It's even more depressing when you're surrounded by snow and have no money to go boarding...that's when you REALLY hate the world. Then you have what I like to call a "California Breakdown," where you just can't stand to be without California anymore. People who hate on California...have no idea what they're talking about. Clearly...it's jealousy. Plus...it's like two states in one...you've got SoCal and NoCal and they are extremely different...really. People don't understand, if you don't like one, you're bound to like the other, it's inevitable. My car doesn't even like being out of California and in the snow. It won't start when it's too cold...no one here understands that...it's really true. Cars from California. Hate. Utah. Or any other state that gets below 50 degrees. California haters: you are nieve. Only those who have not experienced the greatness of California choose to hate on it. Wise up people.

RANDOM FACT SECTION:

Bulletproof vests, fire escapes, and windshield wipers were all invented by women. Okay okay, so without women more people would die from shots to the chest, not being able to easily escape from fire and car crashes from not being able to see while driving in the rain. Haha sounds like most of us are still alive today because of women. It seems to me that men do things in the moment, whereas women think things through in order to not get killed. Do you ever wonder why men invent extreme sport tricks? It's because women aren't crazy enough to test it until someone else proves that it's possible. Haha let the men take one for the team, even if it means risking their lives. The male and female mind work in such unique ways, it's extremely fascinating to me. Men are more risk takers wheres women are those who step back and look at the big picture. So women are more logical than men, thus it is proved.

Well folks, that's really all I can bust out today...sorry it wasn't that funny haha. Stay tuned for exclusive deleted scenes and movie in the making.

Dollar Bills and Einstein

2010-02-12T22:50:00.000-08:00

So, it's Friday night and the Olympics have started. Oh joy, watching 4 hrs of just the opening ceremony. Do you think that the Olympic Committee knows the most of the world gets bored with all the random stuff they put in there? I don't know, maybe I'm not appreciative of "tradition," but I'm pretty positive that half the world had no idea why this random Peter Pan kid was gliding through the air and turning water into grass...seems like it symbolizes something...but no one knows what really...or even why. I love the Olympics, I really do but I really only watch the actual events. The opening ceremony is more of a "maybe I'll watch it." One thing that I did think was respectful however, was that they did dedicate one of the many speeches to Nodar Kumaritashvili, who was sadly killed in practice runs for the luge.

What I want to know, is how musical instruments work. I mean, I know how they work but why and who would figure that out? It's absolutely brilliant if you think about it. Okay, look at the trumpet, for example, how can one valve change to a different note? I know that the holes and air ways are different but wow. Or a flute? Who knew that pushing a button to cover an air hole would make different sounds come out?! Crazy stuff, I tell ya.

VENTING SECTION: The section in which I vent...

MONEY. Ah yes...the necessary evil. Something I don't understand is, what's the point? Okay, I understand the function of money and why we need a money system but last time I checked, every single country is in debt. How is that possible? How can we loan money to other countries, when we don't have money ourselves? I just don't understand, money isn't serving it's purpose at all. Every time something drastic happens, we're just like "Oh. Haha, IOU." Not just that, but we are in a lose, lose situation. President Obama can either raise taxes and make everyone who is already suffering financially, suffer more; or he can cut taxes, but where is all the money gonna come from? You just can't win. Props to President Obama for taking a nearly impossible position at the most impossible time. I wouldn't have the guts. Hear is my thought. The whole world just presses a "Reset Button" and everyone forgets about their debt, yada yada yada. We clean the slate and move ahead with our lives, keeping them intact.

RANDOM FACT SECTION:

"Bats always turn left when exiting a cave." Hmmmm, that's kinda weird. Is that to lower the number of head on collisions? Bats are blind, right? Haha, I think that our little friend, the bat, here may be smarter than the human species. Congratulations human race, for failing to be smarter than something that flies and can't even see! I'm pretty sure that there are more car accidents in a minute than there are flying accidents by bats in their lifetime. Sometimes, I wonder why God gave US the ability to speak and control the world. It's probably because we can't get ANYTHING right! We needed the ability to speak in order to survive and the ruling the world thing was to just keep our self-esteem on the upper level. Animals probably look at us humans everyday and think to themselves, "those stupid humans." I would. I mean most of us can't "camp" without a tent or RV. Animals, camping is their LIFE! And they do it without a tent or RrrrrV! We can't even eat things without using some sort of technology, like a knife or a gun. They catch food with their bare hands!...or paws, whatever. They don't have to worry about drama between other animals, if you're being stupid BAM! you're dead, it's as simple as that. Wow I am embarrassed by our lack of ability to function naturally. I will never look at my dog the same.

Well people, you get what you pay for. This is free, so I'm not responsible for wasting your time. See ya!

Dishwashers and Cow Pies

2010-02-03T15:45:00.000-08:00

My apologies for the delay, everyone. I had a virus on my computer and was a little preoccupied by that. Have you ever wondered why they have "scientific" names for things? Honestly, I think it's just so scientists can confuse you by saying, " Formulation of an hypothesis to explain the phenomena," when what they're really saying is tell me why that thing does what it does. Just get on with it! Don't get all confusing an technical just to sound smarter. You may sound smarter, but to most people who don't know what you're saying...you sound dumb! Show off. That's what I think anyways. You're not impressing me with your scientific way of putting things. Gimney Christmas!

Venting Section: The Section in Which I Vent

You know what really drives me up the wall? Dirty dishes. I don't know, maybe it's my OCD but they make me absolutely insane. I didn't discover this until I had roommates. Oh my. I don't mind so much if they leave something in the sink and clean it up later, but when they don't rinse it out..? That takes all of two seconds to do! Plus, when you don't rinse it out it just gets crusted on there and make your job harder anyways. So all that time that you thought you were saving by not rinsing it and leaving it in the sink is doubled, if not tripled, when you're trying to get all the dried up, crusted, old food off the dish. Another thing about dirty dishes is if the dishwasher is completely empty...yet there are dishes left in the sink. Wow. Really? Are you that lazy that you can't open a door and place something on a rack? Seriously. No wonder all other countries hate Americans! Someone probably had one for a roommate 50 yrs ago and that's where all the rumors started. "Those Americans are so lazy, they can't even rinse off a bowl let alone put it in a dishwasher." Way to represent America lazy pants! Now everyone hates us!

Random Fact of the Day:

"The most money ever paid for a cow in an auction was $1.3 million. " Okay, okay...why? Did that cow have magic milk or something? It better have an endless supply of your choice of any flavor milk you want! You could probably buy 500 cows for that! Here's what I think happened:

"Do I hear $100? Can I get $100? $100! Do I hear $150? Can I get $150?" "Oh my gosh. I really want that cow. I really want it. The price is going up." "$200! Do I hear a $250?" "$1.3 million!" "SOLD! To the man with $1.3 million!" "(oh shoot. I got too excited. I can't come back from that. Do I even have $1.3 million?)"

Yup. I really think it was someones first auction and they got over excited about the endless supply of chocolate milk. The pressure of the situation must have been too much. Poor fellow.

Well, don't forget to floss everyday and see the receptionist to make an appointment in 6 months. Come back before if needed. Oh! And don't forget your toy. See you next time!

ROFL's and Canadians

2010-01-30T15:50:00.000-08:00

Why hello there! I'm back with some more random thoughts. It's an endless process really. But I was thinkin about purses today and I really don't like them. Ya, they can accentuate your outfit...but they are a hassle. I mean, you have to carry them around and stuff...why not just use a backpack? I dunno. Not only that, but then you're worried about leaving it everywhere. It's like having a kid that doesn't eat or make noise at you. In fact, it's even worse if you have a kid...or baby. Then you have to carry the diaper bag annnnd your purse. Don't get me wrong...they're a great idea, I personally just hate carrying that many things.

VENTING SECTION: The Section In Which I Vent

So I have noticed a new pet peeve that I have developed...people who don't text back. It drives me absolutely bonkers. I mean it's one thing if the conversation was done and going nowhere but when you're like in the middle of a conversation and they had texted you just like two minutes ago and don't respond...that's when it's like...what? Or when people say that they're too busy to text back haha. Okay, I understand being busy...but all the time? That's when you know you're being avoided. Wasn't texting invented to save time? Haha, it takes two seconds to send a text...even if it's "Hey, can't talk right now. Bye." Oh well...I guess I don't really like texting anyway, as I've mentioned in a previous blog. From now on...I'm gonna call people even if I jut need to know a small little thing. Then they'll understand why texting is a necessary evil. People are funny and I don't understand a lot of them.

RANDOM FACT OF THE DAY:

Okay so apparently on a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament Building is an American flag...anyone from Canada care to explain? If you think about it, those two flags are commonly mixed up. I mean, they both have white and red on them...they both have something of nature on them...the countries are right next to each other...NO. Those flags are very different! One has stripes and stars and the other is plain with a leaf on it! What is going on here? Get your own flag! My thought is that they're doing some sort of subliminal messaging.

Ding Dong.

2010-01-29T12:11:00.000-08:00

Well, just another day in the neighborhood. The sky is white, the trees are frosted, and the air smells of cow pollution. Yup, such a great little town we live in where the cows pollute more than our cars...and most drive diesel here. Congratulations Cache County, Utah for having a grade C in air quality. You're really trying hard to...kill. us. all.

Who thought of pickles? Don't get me wrong, they are delicious; but who would think that putting cucumbers in a vinegar solution would make such a delectable condiment? My thoughts is that is was an accident...just like post-it notes. I mean, you're trying to make the strongest glue made by man and you end up making temporary stickiness. Where pickles made in a laboratory? Were they really trying to make some sort of organic cucumber or did they just accidentally drop a cucumber in vinegar and not realize it until a couple days had already passed? And who thought to make pickles taste like bread and butter? What? That almost does't even make sense. "Hey wouldn't it be cool to have a pickle with the flavor of bread and butter?" What was the thought process? Nonetheless, we need these people with crazy thoughts to develop such flavor to our hamburgers.

Random Fact Of The Day: The Section in Which I Give You a Random Fact

Okay, so apparently even if you're not thirsty, you should still drink water because when your body is dehydrated the first mechanism thats shuts down is thirst. Hmmm...well looks like mine shut down a long time ago...cause I am practically never thirsty. Who would've thought? Okay so since I have found out that my body has been dehydrated for many years, how do I reverse that? Should I drink normal amount...or double, to catch up? Am I destined to be dehydrated for the rest of my life?! Oh no. Help.

Venting Section: The Section In Which I Vent

So one thing that has baffled my mind for years is OCD tendencies. I just don't understand. I mean, with myself and this blog...I feel like I need to type a certain amount of random thoughts of my brain before I can save and publish the post. Or when you're trying so hard to concentrate in class and there is just one blind that is facing the opposite way of the others. I HAVE TO WORK IN THIS ROOM PEOPLE!! How am I supposed to work when that blind is consuming all of my attention?! I don't understand how that small detail can consume my thoughts for the ENTIRE time. Then, when I try to not concentrate on it...I find myself glancing at it every two seconds...as if it changed. All I have to say is...I can't be ashamed and neither should you...yes you. That's right. I'm talkin to you. Don't be ashamed. We OCD's need to stick together!

And that is all we have on the animal kingdom today folks. Tune in tomorrow to know how Geckos are capable of selling car insurance. Thanks for watching!

Shooby Dooby Doop Doo

2010-01-28T10:27:00.000-08:00

Hola mis amigos! Estoy aquí! Alright so last night was pretty interesting. My sister, Brooke, and I were just sitting in her room when she decided that she wanted to get out her Spanish hymn book and sing songs en español. Great idea, ya? Maybe...well she said i was doing good at "trying" to follow along...highly doubt it. She is one of those people I like to call a "Sugarcoater." Which bring me to my first menu item: Sugarcoaters. Ya, you know what I'm talking about. Those people who will do anything NOT to hurt your feelings. Honestly, most of the time I feel worse when someone sugarcoats something, because I know they're trying to say, in the nicest way possible of course, YOU SUCK. It's almost entertaining sometimes though. I mean, watching them try to form the right words in their head, and they're thinking so hard that you can almost see smoke coming out of their head...like a steam engine. Haha. But I guess what it all comes down to, is we all sugarcoat at some point.

Have you ever wondered who thought of the idea..."Picture Frame?" Kind of a weird idea, when you think about it. I can just imagine 3,000 years ago, "Hey! This good cave drawing, we should box around so later people can read. (Caveman voice)" Ever since we were little nose pickers, were making frames with popsicle sticks. My thought is that the best part of the frame...is the glass...otherwise, the purpose of the frame is nonexistent. The glass preserves the picture...or whatever is in it. Kinda interesting.

So I have decided to add a new section into the Blog, titled:
Random Fact of the Day: The Section in Which I Give You...a Random Fact
Did you know that the most stolen book in entire world is the Bible? Ironic, is it not? I mean I know for one thing that if you just call the number on those pass-along-cards, given by missionaries, and get one for free. Maybe I'm mistaken. Another thing is that it kinda contradicts one of the Commandments written in the Bible. I wonder how that works on judgment day? "So it looks here like you stole a book from a Hotel in May 1997...I have always taught that thou shalt not steal. How do you explain this?" "OH. Well...I stole the Bible, so that I could read it more." I guess in that situation God would know what to do, but I really don't know how that would work out in the end.

Venting Section: The Section in which i vent

Today I would like to ask the public... What is the purpose of a Scorpion? Honestly, I'm terrified of those things for a couple reasons:
Reason 1: They can kill you.
Reason 2: They are flat out ugly.
Reason 3: They are creepy looking.
Reason 4: Did I say that they're ugly?
I mean, I know they kill bugs and such and keep they food chain going somehow...but isn't there other animals/insects that could handle the job? They say that they are only dangerous when they feel threatened...wouldn't that be like all the time? Everything is huge compared to a scorpion! I feel threatened around tall people and I speak their language. You could be coming up to a scorpion saying "It's okay, little guy. I'm not gonna hurt you." and for all it knows you're saying, "I'm bigger than you and can crush you with my shoe!" I would absolutely hate to live in a place where I have the chance of a scorpion coming into my house.

We have arrived at our destination, you are free to move about the cabin. I hope you enjoyed you flight. Please fly with us again. Thank you, Babye now.

Pizza Slices and Ice

2010-01-26T12:27:00.000-08:00

Okay okay...I know I haven't been updating like at all. But I've been really busy! GOSH! Keep your pants on...everyone just needs to calm down!
(Ehhem) Well The New Year started with me working at good 'ol Hot Dog De La Stick (Hot Dog On A Stick). I opened at 9 o' clock AM. Mind you, this is the third year in a row that I have opened New Year's Day...probably because I am the only one they know of, that will not be hung over. Any dang ways, I didn't have a customer for nearly and hour and a half...you might say that I was bored out of my mind. I was so bored, I was LOOKING for things to clean slash do. You know you're ridiculously awesome at your job when you find things to clean when your bored...I mean, let's be honest people. Back to the story. So I managed to clean the entire front of the store...I don't know if you've ever seen a Hot Dog On A Stick store...but it is piled with old, crusty, extremely hard to get off grease on all the cooking devices. (Disclaimer: Do Not Read if about to cook, eat, prepare, or even look at food) To clean these delicious looking cookers, I had to take a razor blade and scrape off all of the dried up glue textured grease from the sides of the cookers. Okay...so I was just wondering how in the heck does this grease manages to find its way ALL OVER the ENTIRE cooker? I mean it's like it grasshopper jumps out of the cooker onto the most impossible places. It's almost like someone stuck their filthy little hands in there and wiped gallons of boogers onto the sides. I just don't understand. But, nonetheless, I took one for the team, (actually two...because I opened too) and cleaned it.

So is it just me, or is everyone engaged? I mean honestly. My best friend is engaged, my old roommate is engaged, my uncle is engaged, my sister is engaged, a friend from my home town is engaged...it's seriously a never ending list. It's like everyone took the movie "2012" to heart and decided, "Hey the end of the world is neigh, I better get married!" I find it extremely ironic, don't you? I am going to be attending three weddings in one months time...that seems like a lot of weddings to me. It makes me think of the movie "27 Dresses." I'm going to have a closet full of dresses from multiple weddings. It's like everyone got shot by cupid at least 300 times. It's absolutely mental.

Little Caesar's Pizza:
Oh my. You get me started on such a delectable piece of crust topped with tomato sauce, cheese, and...esssstra cheese. Honestly, they are probably THE smartest pizza place out there. I mean $5 pizza, ready for you on the spot?! GENIUS! Fast food just became Speed of Light Food...or...Even Faster Food...dah, you know what I mean. If you look around...all the pizza places are trying to mimic it. Look at Dominoes, who wants to pay $5.99 for food poisoning? Their slogan should be "Hey only a dollar more to make you throw up so you can eat more! :)" Paalease. The best part is that you get at least three meals for $5! You eat two, get full, eat two, get full, eat the last two and are stuft. Forget Mc Donalds, I'm goin to Little Caesar's.

Venting Section: The Section in Which...I Vent
Icy Sidewalks.
I think that the funniest thing to watch is people walking on ice. The greatest part is if you're walking to class and see someone in front of you slip and then look around to see if anyone saw, pretending like nothing happened; while you say to yourself, "Buddy, you do realize that you are walking in a place full of engaged people, married people, and normal people...therefore everyone behind, in front, and on the side of you just saw you almost eat pavement." I don't know why everyone has to pretend like nothing happened. Honestly, one of these days I'm gonna almost beef and turn it into the moon walk or maybe to prevent any slipping at all...I'll just moon walk all the way to class. Let's do it. My philosophy is if you're already slipping in control, how can you slip and fall. But seriously, it's like farting...everyone does it, it can't be avoided. Embrace the moment that you almost just made a complete fool of yourself in front of about 60 people. Can you imagine
what the world would be like if no one got embarrassed...ever? I'm pretty sure that we would have so many naked crazies running around. Wow...maybe that's not the best idea I've had.

Well, that's all the time I have for today. I promise I will try and update as much as possible. If you wanna help me out and give me ideas of things to talk/vent/ridicule/patronize/

or even completely annihilate, just comment on the blog, email me, facebook me, call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me; any means of communication works. Until we meet again people of America! PEACE!

Day Of Bliss

2009-11-17T18:31:00.000-08:00

And we're back from our commercial break! Baadadadadabaaaadadada (theme song that

sounds all newsy like) So today wasn't really epic...just great. I did a lot and a little. I climbed a mountain and I didn't climb a mountain. I ran a marathon and I didn't. In other words...it was an all around chill and good day.

Last night I slept over at my friend, Alise's apartment, which is always fun :) But before hand, I was at my house with my roommates just chillin. So I get this brilliant idea to lightly tap Jen with my foot on her shin...and then run away. She chased me. I jumped over the couch, almost mobbing over my roommate and her boyfriend and for some reason thought that it was a good idea to run outside...? FALSE! Horrible idea. Jen locked me out and it was around 49 degrees and i didn't have any shoes...ya, you can imagine. WORST IDEA EVER AWARD. Luckily, my other roommates were nice enough to let me in after a couple minutes of ultimate freezation. But...my dear friends...it does not stop there. Okay, so all of us keep telling Lisa to put her towel rack on a different door because the bathroom door doesn't shut well with it on. So since it had been a couple days before when we told her...I took her towel rack with her towels and robe and threw it in the living room...this is when she chased me. But I was smarter this time. I ran to our room, closed the door and locked it. Lisa unfortuantly didn't know that we had a lock on our door. So as I'm staring at the door hear a loud BOOF! while seeing the door bulge toward me a bit and then a "ooooooouuuuuch." It was Lisa. She ran, full-speed, into the door. So I wait for her to get up and walk away...and for me to gain composure from laughing so hard, and I come out and here her trying to form a plan about whipping me with her towel...so I grab my towel and it was war. She wasn't expecting me to have a towel too! haha. She was terrified and tried to steal my towel...but I was too quick and tackled her to the ground and sat on her. I told her to say uncle...but she wouldn't. I was forced to give her a wet willy. She still didn't say uncle...stupid girl. So I start to make the sounds you make you're about to hawk a loogie...she gave in.

Well...that's really all. Nothin epic happened really today. I went to Devotional, which was good. Those are my feet at Devotional in that picture at the top! Well...I have nothing else to say. Hope you enjoyed your bucket-o-kelly today. Tune in next time! PEACE!

Here It Is Folks

2009-11-15T15:43:00.000-08:00

So I have been constantly bugged by multiple people about how I need to start a blog...so...here it is people....MY BLOG: Done completely and totally by...well...ME. So my thoughts on life are...do well in school. I mean that from the bottom of my heart because you don't want to look at life like you're a failure...all...the...time. Soooooo today...was an epic day in the neighborhood because I made pancakes all by myself...no help from my mom because she happens to be in another state...in all honesty, I had no choice but to do it by myself. I was so excited about making them, I just gave them to my roommates to share in my joy :) not only that...but they loved for the rest of the day.

Now me and my roommate Lisa have this relationship where we make fun of and pull pranks on each other all the time. So this morning while she was taking a shower and our bathroom door does not have a lock...mwahahaha. So, being my sneaky little self; I snuck in and flushed the toilet. When she heard that horrendous noise, she screamed and had no time before the water was scolding hot. It was great because she happened to be singing the Winnie The Pooh song...quite hilarious if I do say so myself.

VENTING SECTION:

This is the venting section, where I vent to you about my utmost concerns in life...or my life...or just people...really anything that comes to my mind.

All of you who know me, know...that I do not understand people...at all. People are THE most confusing specimens on the planet...I mean we're all concerned about how the digestive system of a rat works or something like that...when really...we should try and figure out the human mind and why certain people think the way they do. I don't know about you, but I am blunt and I let people know what's up most of the time...I don't express my own emotions too well, but if someone asks me for my opinion...I'll give it to them.

Texting:

has become one of the worst inventions ever. for one: people can't express exactly what they mean in the way they meant...like using too many periods suddenly means you're irritated. Am I wrong? I'm fine. My day was okay. You? That sounds a little irritated to me. For two: People are getting worse and worse at confrontation. In the words of John Mayer, "Say what you need to say!" Don't hide behind the meaningless words of modern technology! Heavens people!

Going to the bathroom:

Could anything less convenient? I mean you're in the middle of something extremely important...like...walking the dog, and all of a sudden you have to cut the walk short so that your tender little bladder that has made you look 3 months pregnant, can be relieved of the intense pressure. I mean...how does the dog feel? Probably jipped, I mean... I would if I were that dog. I propose that the diaper become socially expectable.

Well...there's my rant people. Hope you enjoyed the spectacular mind of...KELLY CHIODO. Tune in for some more after this brief commercial break :)