I know I'm Supposed To Choose The Right...But I'm Left-Handed

You guys reap the benefits of my procrastination...so if I do bad on finals...I blame you. Okay just kidding...but seriously. Okay I'm really kidding.

Sometimes I wish I didn't use my left hand for some things and my right hand for other things...it just leads to a whole dilemma of confusion. I mean I do most everything with my left hand, but I'll throw my right-hand in there every now and again to keep life spicy...you know...cause that's what I'm about...making life spicy. Anyway...my dilemma...I only use my right hand for random activities...like brushing my teeth, cutting with scissors, throwing a ball...so random. I mean...brushing my teeth? What?Do you see why I'm confused? Therefore, I've diagnosed myself with Random Right-Handed Activity Syndrom (RRHAS)...I still, to this day, do not know which hand I butter toast with. I try it with both hands and it feels weird with both hands. Wait...I didn't think of this until now, but maybe I was destined to never butter toast...judging by past experience (you know...the different toast incident in my last blog) and my dilemma (not even knowing what hand I butter it with). It all makes sense! Well...that kinda stinks...now what? Do I just never eat toast again? Do I find someone else to do it for me? Hmmm...I'm beyond myself right now.

Well...I really do have to write a paper, get back to studying and take a vacation from my problems haha. Hope you all have a a most splendid day...not to be confused with Splenda day...cause that's definately a sweetener, I dunno if it sweetens the day up...don't think it works that way. PEACE OUT HOMIES!

Alarm Clocks and Cold Toast

   So early this morning, don't really know what time it was exactly because I was in slumber, I was rudely awakened by my roommate.  Well...I guess she wasn't too rude about it, but still...I was awakened.  Apparently my alarm on my iHome was going off, and she couldn't figure out how to turn it off.  You know how when you first wake up, you're all confused and have absolutely no idea how process what's happening around you? Yeah...that's how I felt.  Thought process:  First, I was trying to figure out why my roommate woke me up and was standing over my bed.  Second, I was trying to piece together what she was saying to me because every other word seemed to be in a different language.  Last, what in the world is that faint, yet obnoxious, beeping?!  After those thoughts finally came together, slammed my hand on the alarm and managed to hit the snooze button to stop that annoying sound, then I picked up the iHome and threw it against the wall so that it may never disturb me again!...Kay, I may have exaggerated a little...but I did pick it up and turn the alarm completely off.  As my roommate was getting back into her bed, she said something...I don't remember what but I remember responding with, "I was just seeing if I could still annoy while I was sleeping." Her reply was, "Hahaha well...it worked."
   Later in the morning, when I was actually awake, I went to make some toast with peanut butter.  I put the bread in the toaster and I waited for my toast to pop out, unlike normal when I usually pop the toast out too soon, due to impatience.  I took out a knife and the PB...only to find that I had just barely enough PB for ONE piece of toast.  Do see the problem with this? I only had enough for one...but I had TWO pieces of toast. Now what? I mean...I have this other piece, and I don't even know what to do.  This was the first of my predicaments, what to put on the other piece.  I decided that I would just put plain ol butter on the..ehem...other piece.  I like buttered toast, so I guess it wasn't too much of a heartbreak.  So, I sat down to feast on my two pieces...of different toast.  This brings us to my next predicament...which one do I eat first?  I probably stared at them for a could five minutes, trying to figure out which one should I eat first? Cause if I ate the PB one first, then I'd get to taste what I wanted first...if I ate the PB one last, then I'd end on a good note.  It was just extremely hard.  I finally decided that I would eat the PB toast last.  By this time...my toast was cold -__- just my luck.  So my whole breakfast experience was just not the same, I didn't enjoy the fact that I only had one PB toast, when I clearly wanted two.  I didn't enjoy the process of trying to figure out which toast first? And most of all...I DID NOT enjoy cold toast.  Needless to say, it's been an eventful morning.  I'm not complaining though, at least my roommate didn't wake me up as she was murdering me...and at least I had options to spread on my toast.
  Well...that's really all I got today.  Sorry it was so short.  I hope everyone has a fantastic day...or at least a normal...I don't want anyone to have a bad day.  If you do have a bad day...just think, "at least I didn't have cold toast."

Trumpification of Switzerland...maybe.

Hola muchachos rancheros!! It is I...bucket-o-chum...but really its just Kelly, wouldn't want you to get confused. So I was at the gym yesterday...and I was thinking about something that comes to mind EVERY TIME I go to the gym, why do a lot of guys wear hats while they workout? Like baseball caps...not beanies. Beanies are more understandable considering you sweat more, burn more calories, blah blah blah. But baseball caps? It just doesn't seem to make sense to me. Oh yeah...and they tend to wear them backwards...what? Am I missing something here? Can you magically lift more weight if you just turn your hat around? Is there a level of coolness that gets up 6 points when you wear a hat and 10 points if you wear it backwards?

VENTING SECTION: The section in which...I vent.

So I was thinking today...you know...the usual mind boggling thoughts that I tend to think of...but I was thinking about the government. It's pretty friggin' ridiculous. Why don't we have more businessmen in there? Doesn't it just seem logical to put someone in there that knows how to handle money and how to deal with different corporations/countries? I mean the most successful businessmen are the ones that think about dealing with problems in a logical manner, no emotional connection to it whatsoever. I feel as though a lot of the people in the government today have too much ego and emotion attached to their decisions. I was watching Regis and Kelly when they were interviewing Donald Trump that I had this thought...what about Donald Trump?! Why don't we put him in there? He'd be great and he'd get things done in a logical way rather than a a political way. I mean...the guy was broke and then came back...in this economy. I nominate Donald Trump for VP. Just a thought.

RANDOM FACT SECTION:

"It was once against the law to slam your car door in a city in Switzerland." Oookayyy. So what exactly constitutes a "slam?" Like a "break every window in your car slam" or like "my car is old, so I have to close it hard slam?" I wonder how they taught that in the police academy...do you think they tested them on different slam noises that they pre-recorded? Police Chief: "Now which one of the three noises you're about to hear is considered a "slam?"" Haha...whaaat? Ridiculous. It's laws like these that make me wonder if city officials get sick of reading complaints from old grumps and just make a law to make the grumps happy.

Well, that's all I've got for you today...well I do have a lot more goin on in this noggin of mine, but their more like one-sentence deals. Which might be interesting to some, maybe I'll save that for later posts. Well I gotta find my little lip balm for mah crusty crusts, peace and blessins y'all, peace. and. blessins.

Homemade Chow Mein and Toasted Jelly Squishers

So I had a dream last night...soooo here it is: My friend Sam sent me this picture text of these noodles and then was like "Look! I made chow mein!" Hahahaha how random is that?! The best part was that the noodles were purple...haha and in my head I was thinking "I don't chow mein is supposed to look like that." Hahaha so funny. I woke up and was like...what? Then naturally texted her and told of this outrageous dream.

VENTING SECTION: the section in which...I vent.
I find that I have a lot of patience...except for when it comes to toast. I mean of all things to not be patient with...that's the one. My compy can get a virus that erases EVERYTHING...and I still don't get as frustrated with it as I do when it takes FOREVER for my bread to toast. I mean, how long does it really take bread to toast anyway? In my eyes it should only take like 5 seconds...honestly. Can't it be just like branding a cow? Just smack some molten hot metal on it for a couple seconds and badabing badaboom...TOAST! I think I'm onto something here...

RANDOM FACT SECTION:
"The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing their hands in jelly." Wow. How ould you like to have that job? Haha "Did you know I worked on the E.T. movie?" "Oh really? What did you do?" "I squished my hand in jelly." Yeahhh that's believable. Haha great now everyone thinks you're crazy for making things up haha. Do you think they used a particular jelly? I'm sure that the different fruits makes a different "squish." It only makes sense. I bet they used plum jelly...that seems like it would make the best squish. If you think about it...stepping on a strawberry doesn't have as good of a squish noise as if you stepped on a plum.

Well, there you have it. A day in the mind of Kelly, just one endless train of thoughts. Like my mom always told me, "don't talk to anyone stranger than you."

Kisses and World Domination

Thought: Who votes that we just get rid of Nevada? Who lives there anyway? Honestly the only thing it has going for it is Las Vegas...and maybe Tahoe...but only half. So here's the plan...we evacuate first and foremost haha, then we make an atomic bomb the destroys all of Nevada, then somehow invent something that can just pull/push the continent together and fill in the hole...that we made...with the atomic bomb, you know where Nevada WAS. I dunno about you...but it sounds like a brilliant plan. You know, sometimes I feel like Pinky...and other times I feel like Brain. In this case, I feel like Brain...I'm slowly taking over the world...one blog at a time.

VENTING SECTION: The section in which...I vent.
I said it once...and I'll say it again...I don't understand people. Does anyone really? I mean, I can't even understand myself...let alone billions upon billions of people around me! Okay okay, so as you all know...I work at good ol' Hot Dog on a Stick, it's a quaint little establishment that can get some pretty funny...yet crazy customers. I love the people who come up to me with all their problems in life and tell me how over-priced our food/lemonade is...as if I have a say in the matter or as if I made them come over and buy our food. You know me...my brain powers and all...just controlling EVERYONE and telling them that they HAVE to eat Hot Dog on a Stick...for they might turn into oblivion. Back to the first "as-if" I'm sure that the prices would be a lot lower if "we" (min. wage workers) had a say cause quite frankly, we're the ones who have to hear about. But here's the part I don't understand...no one is EVER satisfied. Even if we lowered the prices of such a delectable treat on a stick...they would still complain to me about the prices. So it's a lose, lose situation...well that sucks.

RANDOM FACT SECTION: Do I really need to say it...or can you figure it out?
"Approximately 2/3 of the population tip their head to the right when they kiss." I'm sorry...I had to. Just think of how awkward it would be if you tip your head to the right...and you find that perfect someone buuuuut they tilt to the left. Can you imagine the first kiss?! Bahahaha. In that case who would change their natural motion to the opposite side? In my opinion (of course it's my opinion...it's MY blog), chivalry is not dead! Therefore the man should be a man and change :) Hahaha

Well my friends...this is where we part. I bid thee adieu and please don't bite your friends...for all you know, they could be your only. PEACE!!!

Disney Soundtracks and Cat Paws

Well once again, I have failed to keep this blog updated. Good thing you don't pay for this otherwise I'd feel really bad...but since it's free..........I don't feel THAT bad. Anyway...have you ever wondered about what music those people walking around with iPods are listening to? I mean, I may come off judgmental when I say that for some people I can't imagine them listening to anything but Disney Soundtracks. Do you ever think that? Or am I just a music judging monster? Eh. Well my secrets out.

VENTING SECTION: The section, in which...I vent.

Alright so I've decided how much I have grown to HATE political commercials. I mean honestly...

no one is honest anymore so there's no point in advertising it. Plus I don't wanna hear about how I

shouldn't trust a candidate, I wanna know why I should vote for the person who "supports this message."

RANDOM FACT SECTION: Yes...a random fact.

"Female cats tend to be right-pawed and male cats tend to be left-pawed." Okay....for real? Who

comes up with these shenanigans?! For one...cats have four legs...so what left or right paw are they

talkin about? Two...why on earth would a cat need to know that? I mean it's not like you take them to

kindergarten and handing it a #2 pencil. Which now confuses me with the whole left-brain, right-brain

concept. Does it still apply that most left handed cats are the creative ones? How are we to know?!

This is preposterous...who do I talk to about these questions?

Well I hate to say it, but that's I've got for you today. Just remember that penguins are the only

animal you need to worry about! Adios!

Beer Bellys and Sesame Seeds

Alright...it's been a while since I last blogged. I'm sorry to my sisters...cause really they're the only ones who read it haha. Anyway, today I had an epiphany while I was playing the board game LIFE with a couple friends.  I was thinking...dang...I wish my life was like this game...that would be awesome!  I mean I started out $100,000 in debt and ended the game with $875,000...that's pretty dang cool.  I had four kids, girl, boy, and twins (boy and girl), and I had a husband...I imagine that he was a pretty awesome guy.  I was a police officer, so I got paid an extra $10,000 everytime someone was speeding.  And all I had to do was spin the wheel and move at the pace the spinner wanted me to.  The board told me what to do! Man...that was livin the life.  I've decided, forget college...I'm gonna inherit money. That's the only way to do it.

THE VENTING SECTION:

 Something I don't understand is drinking...like alcohol and partying like every weekend.  To me it just seems like it has more cons than pros.  Let's list them; 

Pros:

1. You feel invisible 

2. You're extremely funny to those around you

3. You forget all about your current problems

Cons: 

1. You are destroying your liver

2. You can't even remember how awesome or funny the night before was

3. You wake up with THE worst state ever(depending on how much you drank)

4. You are now spending a bunch of money on something that could've been avoided

5. You get a beer belly 

I dunno...seems to me like a pretty dumb decision.  I mean, I don't know about you, buuuuut...I like remembering what I did and I am perfectly capable of doing stupid things without the assistance of a beer. But of course, that's just my opinion. And I have many reasons to hate alcohol....so I'm a little biased.

RANDOM FACT SECTION: The section, in which, I give you a random fact.

"On average, there are 178 sesame seeds on each McDonalds BigMac bun." Okay, the first thing about this that I want to say is...who, in their right mind, would sit and count the sesame seeds on a bun. The second thing I'd like to say is...the phrase "on average" indicates that the number has been compared to multiple numbers, so who would count the sesame seeds on more than just one bun?  Just leave it at one bun people.  It's not necessary for anyone to know, really.  Unless of course, that number is supposed to help us survive somehow.   Wow.  The things that we feel the need to count.  

Well, sorry if it was a bit of a disappointment today but then again...I didn't make you read it, so it's your own fault.